Starting a new blog from scratch feels awkward. We're not currently fostering and I'm not going to be writing as much about the kids with my last name. I'm NOT an expert on foster care in any way. If you want advice from experts - surround yourself with people that survived the foster care system. Not doctors. Not social workers. Not even other foster parents. If you REALLY want to understand The System - learn from people who were the unwilling participants in it.
Foster parents choose to be a part of The System. And, in my opinion, because they made that choice, they are obligated to listen to the children and adults IN The System. I've tried to do that over the years. Somehow I landed in the middle of a small group of adults that survived abuse, neglect, and things most people would never understand. Online - they are regularly chastised for their views on foster care and families of origin. But I've tried to listen and I've tried to learn. I hope to pass on the things they've taught me.
The biggest thing I've learned is that the foster parents have to be the ones that change when new children enter their family through foster care. Far far far too many foster parents believe that the children will change once they are safe and loved.
And that's just not how it works.
From that first night in the home, foster parents have to be looking at the situation and figuring out how they need to change themselves and the home environment to best suit the newest kid(s) that a judge decided cannot live where they were before. This concept is somewhat taught in all the trainings that foster parents go through prior to being licensed. But I've come to the conclusion that this is the concept that foster parents gloss over the most. They honestly can't wrap their brains around how much THEY are really going to have to change. Deep in their hearts, they believe that the foster children will be so grateful that they are safe now...that they will slide right into a new family with new rules and new expectations and that everything will be super hunky dory.
I know some of you are shaking your heads right now. You know that you don't believe that. You know that you expect these children to have certain behaviors. You're not one of "those" foster parents.
But are you really honest with yourself?
I'm going to start off this new blog with short examples of things that I had to change in order to best parent the new cherubs that came into our family via foster care. I really like the idea of discussion though. I'd love to hear real examples of things you changed about yourself or things you changed in your home in order to help make a kid feel more comfortable, safer, and more respected.
Tell me about your changes.
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