K.I.S.S.

Keep your house rules simple.

I'm not going to give you a flowery introduction paragraph. No big long explanations why. Just do it. Take the most important things to you and boil them down as much as you can. Make them easy to repeat and easy to remember.

We've done this with two sets of rules as our kids have grown up.

When the cherubs were little, some of the most important things was knowing at all times:
1. Who my kids were with
2. Where my kids were at
3. What my kids were doing

When they were playing outside or at friend's houses, we'd make sure they could answer all three questions before they took off. As they advanced to technology, the same rules applied. We wanted to know what sites they were visiting online, what they were doing, and if they were chatting with anyone.

The rules were short and simple and they applied in many different situations. My kids know this is the expectation. My kids still have to answer these three questions before they take off to do things with their peers, now.

At about middle school age, we implemented three additional rules. They're kind of like a jingle even. I don't sing them...but almost every single kid that walks into our home hears these three rules. In fact, Ricky called me the other day. He let me know he's in Wyoming. He travels the country with a company that does maintenance work on wind turbines. Ricky is doing well and hopes to be a project leader in this company someday. As he's telling me about all that he's doing, he threw in the fact that he's still following "all the rules":

1. No booze

2. No drugs

3. No babies

Ricky lived with us for about six months his sophomore year of high school. He's 23 now. The three rules stuck in his head. 

Granted, when kids turn 21 the first rule gets changed to "no drinking and driving". But other than that, those are the three big rules for the kids that grace my threshold. 

They're simple. They make sense. And all the kids can recite them with ease. 

When they're getting ready to leave for a party...or they're going to someone's house for a sleepover...or they're just breathing...I can rattle off the rules to them. I'm like a broken record.

I highly recommend keeping all house rules simple. When kids join your family via foster care (or otherwise), it's important that you let them know what's important to you. Overwhelming them with a list of rules a mile long isn't helpful to anyone. Keeping things super simple helps. And being able to reinforce the rules that have the biggest impact on their lives with ease means that the rules might stick in their heads. 

We temporarily added a young adult to our family this week. He's 23 years old and at a rather low point in his life. He doesn't have local family he can rely on and he came to us. Just like when Ricky came at 16, it was important for me to help our new guest feel welcome and not overwhelmed. I didn't start telling him what ALL the house rules are. I just told him that if he's going to stay here:

1. no booze

2. no drugs

3. no babies

It was easy for him to know how that applies to what he's going through right now and he knows where my boundaries are. As time progresses, we will iron out any other rules that he may need to know.

I know most foster care licensing agencies want you to have a list of printed rules. Here is our list. I'll be honest, because we had very small humans, we never printed these rules out and handed them to any kids. But if it helps anyone else going through the licensing process...here's the full list of our household rules:

1. We treat each other with respect.
2. We work together as a family to keep the household running.
3. For all children, parents need to know at all times:
               Who you are with.
               Where you are at.
               What you are doing.
4. We cause no harm – physical or emotional – to others.
5. When you’re eating, you must be sitting down.
   Food is allowed on the first floor only.
   Ask before eating a snack.
   Drinking water only is allowed in bedrooms.
   We eat dinner together as a family every night.
6. Walk in the house – run outside.
7. All electronics (phones, gaming machines, etc.) are turned in at bedtime and will be returned the following morning.

Rewards = praise and extra privileges

Consequences = time out and/or removal of privileges

Keep the rules simple. It's best for everyone.